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Check what's going on y'all? It's early in the morning. Uh in my truck, obviously. Let me just turn this engine off real quick for you guys. So what am I talking about? I'm talking about doing favors for your family, for your friends, and stuff like that. Uh I thought I was doing a favor for a cousin of mine one time by letting him stay in one of my properties. Uh and I let him stay there for a little bit. He paid and stuff like that, but eventually his attitude was something totally that I didn't think it was. Uh he started to feel entitled because I'm his family. I'll let him get away with you know, not paying money, whatever the case might have been. Uh so that was a learning experience for me because I'm I was I grew up to think that family was was everything, right? Family, you're supposed to be good to your family, this and that, yada yada, all this stuff, right? So I've had to since I've grown up, I guess you could say, since I've gotten a little bit more mature, I've had to deny my family a lot of times. It got it got it to the point where I had to like go no contact with my mother because she was narcissistic. Uh so you may think that you're doing them a favor at the onset, but then you start to realize how your family really is. Well, not not all your family, some of you know the family that was treating me that way, to where it's like family or no family, like they're still gonna be that way whether whether you like it or not, you know what I mean? Which sucks in in a culture where family is everything, right? You're supposed to like trust trust your family, they're supposed to trust you, this and that, yada yada, all that stuff. But well, it had to come to the point where I say no, right? I have to say no to my family, I have to say no to those people that are wanting stuff from me that are just leeches, you know what I mean? They're leeches, they're they're they're they're they're narcissistic people, you know, they're not they're un they're unkind, you know what I mean. So when I began to say no to my family members, those particular family members who are narcissistic, that's what I like to call them, they're narcissistic because they're only thinking about themselves. When I said no to those family members, they go and tell the whole world, they tell everybody, oh Jesus is like this, he said no to me, la la la. And they're real, they're real, they're real genius when it comes to that stuff, manipulating people and sweet talking people and stuff like that. They sway, they sweet talk me to begin with, you know what I mean. So, of course, people are gonna want to believe them because they're usually the victim, they know how to play the victim, right? And me, I I didn't say anything. I I've got to be the bigger person and be like, you know what? If people believe them, then they probably shouldn't, they they're probably not gonna be my friend anyway, you know what I mean. But if people do listen to what they say and they come to me first and be like, hey, they said this about you, la la la, is it true? Then those are the people that are that are genuinely want to be your friend, whether they're your family members or your friends. So another thing too is whenever whenever you own a business, why why is it that we have to give our family members a product that we're selling? Why is it that we have to how come our family members don't buy it from us? We're trying to make money, but instead we're like, no, give me the hookup, let me get it for free because I'm your cousin. Like, no, dude, like if you wanted to hook me up, you know, pay $20 or whatever I paid to make the thing. I'll give you a discount. You know what I mean? I'll I'll charge you, you know, a little bit less than what I'm charging everybody else. You know what I mean. Unfortunately, family members, they don't they don't see it that way, you know what I mean. I'm trying to figure out which light is better. This one or this one right here. I think this one either way, this lens is pretty pretty nice because it'll anyway. Sorry, I got sidetracked there. Like, support your family members, like support them with money, support them monetarily. If you can't support them monetarily, let them know. Hey, cuz you know, I really would like to support, but I don't have any money at this time. But I I do admire what you're doing, you know, even even that would help, like you know what I mean. But we grow up like, oh, we're family, you're supposed to, we're supposed to help each other out, this and that, which we are, you know what I mean. Granted, granted, we are so you know, not supposed to, but as as a person who who as a person who strives to live from a biblical perspective, yes, helping other people is part of that, and that's another thing, too. Whenever I got into the church, those same narcissistic people would have the same type of tactics that my narcissistic family members would have. They would use that against me. Oh, God says you gotta help. How come you're not helping? This and that. God says you're supposed to be like this. How come you're not doing that to me? The narcissistic person will use that, they'll use that against you, they'll use it, and then they'll go tell all the church members, oh, he's my family, but he doesn't want to help me out, like God says, all this stuff. Don't listen to those people because they're manipulating their their eventually the way I see it, their their tactics, they're gonna run out, they're gonna run out of supply, they're gonna go try to find another supply. That's why they look to young kids, young people, to your children, because your children are they're still still they still have yet to be molded, so they can use your children to be molded around them, the way they want them to be molded, so that they can get treated for their ego. That's no, like with that the family is bad, is wrong for doing that to other family members. Why do we even call them family if that's the case? You know what I mean? Like doesn't make no sense to me why you would do that to your family member, but you know, I I mean it doesn't make any sense because I say that because it's sad that it happens in our families, right? But I know, but I know and I think I have an understanding of why it happens is because we all fall short of the glory of God, we're we're sinners, you know, Jesus came to save our, you know, all that stuff that I believe, you know, is why there are people like that out here, you know, and it hurts my heart to know that family members and friends would do that to somebody else, you know what I mean? And it's just uh I don't know it's it's it's how do I say it's uh it's sad right? And then when you start a business, another thing too, when you start a business, I feel like that some people know that what it takes to cost a business. Okay, so when you start a bit okay, here's here's here's the topic. The topic is trying to grow in in a culture that those okay, so they send those same type of people when you're trying to grow in a new community. Like for me, I'm in a new comedy setting, I'm in a new setting where I'm around podcasters. Okay, if they see you, you know, trying to be better and being professional at what you do, they will try to bring you back down, right? They'll try to bring you back down by using what they call social policing. They'll try to put you, bring you back down, and put you into the box that they want you in so that they won't look bad, so that they they look like they're not they're they so that they look like they're hustling when they're really not, because your hustle is making their hustle look bad, which they're if that's the case, they're not even hut, they're not they're hustling, let's say, or not hustling, but they're working at being professional at whatever they're doing, but they're not working as hard as you, and you're making them look bad, like dude, that's what causes society to to crumble, to to to back down. So it takes people like us to be able to uh persevere in those times where we feel like we're being pushed down or put into a box or whatever. Like the other day, I was in a in a uh in an area where around a social area, this place like that I'm talking about. I don't want to say what it is, I don't want to give it up. But I was in that area. This person, you know, I'm sitting down, and this person comes up near to me while I'm talking to somebody else while I'm sitting down, the other person's standing up, I'm talking to that person, the bad person, the narcissistic person comes up and tries to like make me feel small by standing right next to me while I'm sitting down. So, what I do, I know what he's doing, I stand up and let him know, and the person that I'm talking to know that I'm right here, bro. I know what you're doing, I know you're trying to put me in that box, it's not gonna work. He walks away, does his thing. Eventually, he's gonna find out that I'm not gonna let him bully me around. He's gonna go find somebody else in that scene to bully around, to put in a box so that way he doesn't look bad. And that's everywhere, that's in the workplace, uh, in in different financial circles. If you like for me, like I'm debt free. That's another thing. I'm debt free. I don't owe anybody money. Um, before getting out of debt, there was those group of people, like, why are you getting out of debt? That's the wrong thing to do. You're supposed to you're supposed to uphold your credit score, you need to work on your credit score. You have one credit card a month, and la la la, whatever those roles are. I don't even know what they are. And they're they were trying to put me back in that box, like, no, you don't be for debt free. That's not the way society does it. You have to do it like this. And I just looking right back at them, like, watch me, watch me and my wife get out of debt. We are out of debt. Now, you look at you, what are you doing? You're struggling now, right? You're you're working on a car payment all the time, you're working on your house payment all the time. Me, no house payment, no car payment. I'm good. You know what I mean? And when you get into society and they expect you to act a certain way, you know what I mean? No, you know, just thinking about that right now. I feel like those no some people that are like those debt gurus, they're trying to put you in a box so that they don't look bad, so that they don't look bad for being irresponsible with money. Right? And this is not everybody, of course. I'm just generalizing certain types of people, maybe people that are narcissistic and stuff like that, where they put these systems in place so that they they don't because they don't want to look bad, you know what I mean? They don't want to look bad, you like my like my cousin that was wanting to that was wanting to stay in my property and stuff like that. They don't want to look bad for for because their little baby cousin is doing better than them. You know what I mean? They it's it's uh it's something here's a takeaway. The takeaway is to persevere during that adversity, whether they're gonna talk bad behind your back or not. Uh do it in front of them because they're gonna be there anyway. Like, for instance, for me, could be setting up this camera right here in in a parking lot full of truck drivers, they could be passing by watching me and looking at me like, oh, what's he doing? He's trying to be an influencer, he's trying to be somebody who la la la this that he so what like the takeaway is to do it in front of them. They're gonna be there anyway, you know what I mean? They're gonna go talk about you anyway, so it's just like like in their eyes, you're never gonna win, you're never gonna win in their eyes. So I'm talking to you guys, you guys are my crowd, you guys are the ones that I'm doing this, you know, for I'm doing it for myself because I like to do it, and I'm doing it for those that are listening that might be going through the same thing, you know. That's the same thing with comedy, like in the comedy circle. If there's comedians in there trying to put me down because I'm actually wanting to practice my craft and wanting to record myself and have a platform and all this stuff, and they're in the back, they're at the back of the room talking bad about me. I could focus on I could focus on them, you know what I mean, and and about what they think, which is what they want me to do. They want me to be self-conscious, they're socially policing me. Oh, look what he's wearing, look what he's talking about, la la la. He thinks he's all all bad because he's got a podcast. But I still need what I do is I still go through it with them watching, and when I'm on the stage, I've learned to look at the audience instead of them because they're at the back of the room watching, they're gonna be watching the narcissistic perpet person, the narcissistic people that want to keep you down, they're gonna be watching you regardless. So, what I do is I play to the crowd, I play to the people that are listening, that actually want to hear what I have to say, which is you, you know. Thank you for listening to this video up until this point. Subscribe, like, and share. Standing as a stand-up comedian, I I go I play to the audience, the people that are actually liking my jokes and listening and smiling, and you can I look at them, and when they become my focus, the ego, egotistical, narcissistic people that are at the back of the room, that just go like it just goes out of it's just out of my mind because I'm so focused on my craft, being the comedian at that point, and the audience members to see what they react to to what I'm talking about. So the takeaway is to do it in front of them. Be selective in front of them. Be when you're curating who's gonna stay in your apartment complex, you know, at your in your property or whatever, you gotta vet them. You can't just let anybody come in. If you let people, you know what I mean. Like, there's a vetting process that takes place, and that should go with our lifestyle too, like with our life, who we let into our life, who we let borrow stuff, who we let use stuff, who we do favors for, you know, who who pays money to us and stuff like that. Like, we have that opportunity and availability to us to be able to say yes to somebody, to be able to say no to somebody. So it we gotta keep our boundaries. That's another takeaway. Keep boundaries if somebody's trying to push your boundary, say no, stick to your no, stick to your guns. Like, I had to say no to my narcissistic mother, I had to set a boundary and be like, Look, I'm not gonna talk to you, I don't want to talk to you, I know how you are. I try to, you know, I've been trying to I made the mistake in trying to change my mother as a as a young adult, thinking that she can be a better person when in actuality she never changed, she never wanted to change, she was changing means to fit her needs, to fit her ego. Which you don't, I mean, why would you do that to your kid? Why would you do that to your kids? So I had to set a boundary and be like, no, mom, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want you to run my kids. I know how you are, I know you're gonna try to manipulate them and and make them and mold them to your to your whims and to your will. No, I don't want that for my kids. So I had to say no to my mom, not answer her calls. I still don't answer her calls to this day. It's been about seven years. So and every every time that I have tried to answer her phone call, you know what I mean? When she's called, when she called, I I think in my mind, oh, maybe she's changed, maybe she's changed every time she she's the same, still using the same manipulation tactics. I come here, talk to me, la la la, this and that. I'm just like, you know what? This is why. This is why I said no to you in the first place. You know what I mean? Stick to your gun, say no. It's okay to say no to people that that are your family members, do it in front of them, knowing that they're probably gonna talk about you behind your back, and you're on your way, you're good, you're good, you're on your way. Like, what you're just gonna grow as a person. One thing that I you know, and piggybacking on top of that, I know I said I know I said that was a takeaway, but just one thing that you learn is you learn about yourself when you say no to those people when you've been uh subject to them like your whole life, you know. If you're a single child that that has a narcissistic parent, if you have if you have brothers and sisters that have a narcissistic parent, and you've been in that that mold for a long time and you finally say no to it, and you break the mold, it's gonna feel awkward. Like for for me, and I could talk about this more in another video if you want me to. Like, after I said no to the narcissists in my life, it was it was freeing, and at the same time, it was scary because I had to figure out who I was, I had to learn to continue say to setting boundaries where I where I hadn't set boundaries before. There there's friction there because it's you have this learned behavior for so many years, and then you're changing that behavior is is uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable, and you want to go, you want to tend to go back to the the normal narcissistic, and because it's it's familiar to you, but you don't want to at the same time, you don't want to go back there, so you have to learn a new way of life. You gotta learn a new way of living, keep learning about narcissism, keep learning how to set your boundaries, uh get get into groups of people or or talk to people or have a spouse or somebody that that is on the same page with you that has gone through the same stuff as you, uh uh and to grow with them, you know what I mean? Have some people to to to be around and grow with them, uh as far as you know, learning how to to get past that narcissist uh mindset of living of the mindset of living under a narcissist. Um because when another thing when I said no to my mother and the narcissistic relationships that I learned was that I had narcissistic myself because I picked up those traits from my mother, uh like excuse me, like manipulating people, or you know, do saying try to put people in that box, you know what I mean? And I learned this firsthand by doing it to my kids, like, oh shoot, I remember my mom would do this to me. I don't want to do this to my kids, like for instance, uh using triangulation between two siblings, like saying, Oh, your brother's your brother does this. How come you don't do that? No, why do you gonna why are you gonna compare siblings, your your children to each other? You're gonna all you all that does is you're gonna you're gonna put them against each other. Like, why do you want them to be against each other? So I've learned to be like, Oh, hold on, Jess, don't say that, don't say this. Oh, your brother's like this, how come you don't do that? No, try to explain to them, look, this is this is why, this is what's happening. Use your use your words, you know what I mean. Explain to them why you want a certain thing. Like my my daughter's like, like I could easily be like, uh, daughter, your son does your your your brother, he does all his homework. How come you don't do your homework? You know what I mean? Instead of doing that, I could be like, Mama, I want you to do your homework because I want you to be smart, I don't want you to be dumb. Instead of bringing in that other sibling and using triangulation and putting them against each other, because I I grew up with that too. Like, I had a sibling, and we had a narcissistic, and my mother would you and I would tell my brother, yeah, mom always says this good stuff about you, bro. You know, she says this and this about you, and then he comes to me, he tells me the same thing. Yeah, well, mom said this about you, this about you, and that's when I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on. We're both going to mom, and we're not even going to each other. Like, that doesn't make no sense. If you go to each other directly, then you have that relationship, you have that bond. The mother, the the narcissistic mother or father, they don't want you to have that bond between each other, they want you to just have the relationship with them and go to them for everything. They want you to the what the narcissistic parent wants wants you to go to them about their sip about your siblings. That's that's a bad, that's a bad family dynamic. I want for my kids to have a relationship outside of me. I want them to have their own relationship. I don't want to be in the mid middle of that because I've learned that that causes triangulation, it causes enmity, it causes misstrife, it causes it causes strife, it causes all these bad things that the Bible talks about. Um, so just having that knowledge about narcissism, about family members, and about all this stuff, the key takeaways are to last time last thing, guys. Before I go, I'm sorry, last thing, I promise these are the takeaways, and I'll reiterate the takeaway is to do it in front of them. They're gonna be watching you at the back of the room anyway. So just if you're nervous or embarrassed or fearful that they're gonna say something for something new that you're doing, do it anyway, they're gonna talk about you regardless. Um, and the second thing is stick to your boundaries, set a boundary, learn how to stick to it, stay with it, and and same thing when you're setting your boundaries, there's there's gonna be a lot of pushback, there's gonna be a lot of behavior that that you've not seen before, and you just gotta stick to your guns. So, more on this later, you guys. If I I'm probably gonna talk about this more, all these thoughts are coming up as I'm listening back to this video of stuff that I could talk about. Um, but um, yeah, so that's it, you guys. Hesussi Lateral H appreciate you guys. Y'all have a good one, bye.