The Jesus Hilario Show
I’m Jesus Hernandez, sharing real thoughts on faith, life, and personal growth. Each episode is a reflection from the heart — honest, unfiltered, and grounded in perspective. Whether it’s about culture, relationships, or spiritual insight, my goal is to spark thought and inspire truth.
The Jesus Hilario Show
EP114: Men Need a Hug Sometimes - Breaking Toxic Masculinity
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Men need hugs but it's difficult to ask. I see it in myself and my 5-year-old son. Culture teaches "don't cry, keep going, don't be emotional." My wife knows I'm strong but sometimes when we're both tired I need acknowledgement. At open mic, a guy needed a hug—comic said "let's break toxic masculinity." It's okay for men to have emotions and want hugs.
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What's going on y'all? It just recently occurred to me that men need a hug sometimes. Men like me, we need a hug sometimes. And a lot of times it's difficult for us to ask for it. I saw I see this in myself. I see it in my son who's five years old. Whenever I come down on him pretty tough, he he wants to cry, you know what I mean? And then it's it's it's that it's that emotional response that he has that you it triggers a something in my brain that's like, dang, would you like a hug? You know what I mean? And that doesn't go away. That does not go away. And a lot of times when we're younger, our parents are taught our you know to teach us don't cry, stop crying, you know what I mean, and and leave it at that, and we don't get no hugs growing up, you know what I mean. So it's just like to and to ask for it later on in life, that's like it's just unheard of, you know what I mean? For for men, uh so and and two, like if if we have a if we have a wife that believes in us, and I and I learned this from my marriage in particular, like my wife knows that I'm a strong man, like she knows me, she knows that I'm strong, she knows that I can I can carry I can carry us through if need be. You know what I mean? She knows that. And whenever she she's so like you know, beat up from work, from from life, and stuff like that. I feel she she easily she can easily she she feels like she can easily hand it away to me, like, alright, you got this. I'm gonna take a break for a second, you know what I mean? Which is understandable because we get tired, right? But sometimes when we're both tired, it's like damn, I I know you're tired, babe, but can I have a hug just for a few seconds? You know what I mean? I need I I'm very emotional right now. I'm also beat up from the world right now. Just just a quick, just a quick hug acknowledgement, you know what I mean? Men like we need that. Let's just that quick acknowledgement, even though our kids and our and our my my kids and my wife may see me like as the strong one in the household. I still need a hug too, you know what I mean. Like I'm a man, I'm a human, and it not not so much a hug of of pity, but a hug of like acknowledgement, you know what I mean? Acknowledgement because I'm out here working, you know what I mean. I I'm a man, you know what I mean, and it's just I feel like our culture has been raised to be like, no, you don't need a hug, you just need to keep going. No, don't stop to cry, keep going, you know what I mean? Don't be emotional, keep going, you know what I mean. It's funny because uh I had open mic the other day. My wife acknowledged me, you know what I mean. She was like basically telling me to do good, give me a hug, and all this stuff because that's a vulnerable moment for me, having to go on stage and share my thoughts, you know, uh as a as a comedian. Outside of the comedy uh club, there was a guy there, he looked like he needed a hug big time. Like, I don't know if he's married, I don't know what his situation is, but I noticed that, right? And then another comic came outside, and he said he mentioned the same thing, but he said it to the guy. He said, Man, you look like you need a hug. And out loud, I was like, dude, I was thinking the same thing about him, right? It's all three of us in a circle talking. So the comic that came out gave the guy a hug, and I was like, you know what, I'll give you a hug too, bro. So we gave him a hug. And the funny thing is, the comic that came out and noticed and said it and gave him a hug. He said, Like, kind of jokingly, but but seriously, he was like, Come on, let's break toxic masculinity. I was like, Oh shoot, toxic masculinity, like that's actually a thing, you know what I mean? Uh I don't know if you it seemed like he was joking, but it seemed like he was serious at the same time. I don't I've never heard of that term. I've heard the term, never really looked into it, but apparently it's something, and I think it's something that we it will help us in society to understand it a lot better because men grow up, like we grow up to think uh work, work, work, work, work, and don't look up until you that you're called to another task, you know what I mean? And I feel it sometimes, like dang, and it could take a toll on my my it could take a toll on my marriage if I let it, like if I don't address the situation, like if I'm feeling emotional, and my wife has checked out, not checked out of the marriage, but checked out for a minute from life, from from parenting, from being at work. She checks out and I'm like, oh shoot, she checked out. I need her. If I interpret it as like she doesn't care about me, that that's that's on me, you know what I mean? That's my mind thinking, like, oh shoot, she doesn't acknowledge me. She thinks I she does she doesn't think I should be a comedian. Like all this rejection sensitivity takes place in my head when I'm just when she's just like no, I'm just trying to have some downtime, you know what I mean. I had a rough day with the kids at work, yada yada, this and that, you know what I mean? And for me, it's it's it's being able to communicate, like, uh babe. I'm sorry, you know what I mean? I all I needed was a hug, and I communicated, I communicated it differently, you know what I mean. If I took it out on her uh for for checking out, but like how am I gonna accuse her for checking out her knowing that I'm strong, I'm strong enough to handle it, you know what I mean, on my own. Uh but still, like at that moment, I was like, damn, I I really needed a hug. You know what I mean? That that that moment could happen overnight, you know what I mean? You're and you're thinking about it the next day, you're at work, like, man, my wife rejected me, la la la, this and that. But in actuality, she gave you enough reins to be like, you know what, I'm checking out, I trust you, you got this, you know what I mean. But sometimes men, we can be like, I understand that, but at the same time, I know you're checking out, but I really needed a hug. I was really emotional at this moment. Uh, you know, next time, can can can I get it, can I get a little encouragement? You know what I mean? It's not so much pity, it's more like what's actually there, you know what I mean? They that's that's actually there for men. Um, and I and I see it in in my you know, other men, my son, like that, the guy at the comedy comedy club the other day, you know, people that are related to me, uh my friends and stuff like that, like for real, we we need that, and it's not like all the time, you know what I mean, because you see us and we're working all the time, like we're hard, we're strong and hard, you know what I mean? Strong and thick, you know what I mean, like like thick skin, like we can handle stuff, you know what I mean. But at the same time, there's so there's certain vulnerabilities that take place for men that we need to be aware of, um, so as to address those situations in time of need, you know what I mean? And I I don't know, because I can recognize it in other men, you know what I mean. I don't know. I um ladies, how do you think about that? Do you ever see your your your husband like like that? Maybe like the way you see your son, like your son, you can tell he needs a hug, he needs comfort, you know what I mean. If he falls, he cries, stuff like that. It's kind of like I the way I would see it, I'm not a woman, but the way I'd see it is like my son is like that. If he's a little boy, he's gonna grow up and he's still gonna be like that. Yeah, we're still gonna teach him to be tough and this and that, but at the same time, I think we can teach our kids, our our sons, that it's still okay to be have emotions. You know what I mean? It's it's it's okay to have emotions, it's okay to it's okay to cry when they when when you feel like you need to cry, you know what I mean? It's okay to want to hug. And I don't know. I I think this this is something that should be talked about and is important to our society. What do you guys think? Thanks for listening. Uh follow me at Jesus Hilario H. Uh see you guys later. Take it easy. Bye.
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